Saturday, March 3, 2007

Imperfectly perfect for me

I had dreams about finding a man that truly loves me, I listened to other ladies brag about such men, I heard about strangers, celebrities etc, but honestly that was all it was a dream to me. It appeared to be an unattainable goal so I thought it could appear that way for them but it would be short lived. I was wrong, why? because i found it or it found me.

When some women say they're happy, I know what they mean, at another time in my life I would feel guilty about having such emotions because I felt those kinds of feelings were meant for God only, but I found out that with the right balance it was perfectly okay. Its hard to comprehend how someone could just fit into your life like a jig-saw puzzle all put together, in so many areas of your life. I asked and talked to the Almighty one a couple of times and said to Him, Father if there is anyone better than this for me out there, I will be totally shocked.

Yes, maybe everyone has heard something like this before, but for me this is no kind of infatuation, the "I can't sleep", "I can't eat", "I can't think" kind of nonsense. This is peaceful. Even when we fight, I gain strength from it, I get to see what true love is. For the first time I know what it means for me to love someone.

He loves me, respects me, absolutely adores me and it makes me wonder how on earth I settled for less just a few months ago. I thought my life was about to be over, over someone that just didn't care a wink about me but proclaimed that he did.
How does one person make me want to be a better person? I used to think well even if these things happened, they were usually for other people and did not happen to someone like me.

How could someone be so influential yet not attempt to take control over my life, he protects me in more ways I could ever dream of protecting myself- (that still amazes me)He's brilliant, he's strong, he makes himself so vulnerable and I fall more in love with him. As a younger girl, it would have been a turn off, but as I get older, I can't help but find so much strength in it.

Its such a healthy balance, he knows just how to talk to me, there are times when the tone is softer however, there are times when the pitch is just a little higher, there definitely gets my attention.(I could be a little of a hard head sometimes lol)
I think what makes this relationship different for me is we have the same moral beliefs, he actually upholds them, its also being able to relax and not worry that he's doing something behind my back, its the trust, even though my past rears its ugly head at times, we get through it. Something interesting is even when we fight, I love our fights, I hate them in the heat of the moment, but I am ever so grateful for them when its all over with, watching myself practive love and forgiveness.

Ultimately, I'm grateful to God for this gift, because its only Him that has the power to make an imperfect puzzle and put it all together to make it all so perfect.
So what kind of relationship are you in?, does he lift you up or does he put you down, do have enough self worth to know and actually believe you deserve better than that. Are you infatuated? are you in denial? are you wasting your time? Have you talked to God about him/her? Is there peace in your life? in the relationship? is there confusion? - you may need to run, get on your kness first and pray, is he stagnant and you keep pushing? - a man should be the one that leads and directs the relationship not a woman, trust me in the long run it will be worth it. Forget the garbage the 21st century is teaching, women being so independent, it will ultimately lead to destruction, it is already, but don't be a statistic, women are not made to control, to be in charge, pray for direction and you will get it, its much deeper to try to explain. WE ARE CALLED TO SUBMIT TO GOD AND OUR HUSBANDS- start practicing now. Do you find yourself making excuses for him more often that not, ha- be careful! don;t waste you time.

Are you a paper plate or a 24karat china plate? you decide. A person will only treat you as you allow them to. NO ONE can treat you like trash without your permission remember! Do you know that you are beautiful or do you have to hear it from him? God created you, you know thats all you really need to know, this makes you realise that you are truly beautiful no matter what anyone says, you were wonderfully made,your heart is beautiful, your mind is beautiful, your soul is beautiful, God made it all you know? isn't that an insult unto Him if you think otherwise?.

Now, why do we run to your friends about every little thing, they can only offer you an opinion, they do not know the whole story because first of all they are not us, and if they were? what about our misinterpretations? reading more meanings into what is not, sholdnt we talk to God about it, the One who knows EVERYTHING, it makes more sense to me.

There is so much more more to life than wasting time on relationships that ain't going no where, I've been there and I ain't going back. You are beautiful- BELEIVE IT, LIVE IT! Be blessed

Friday, March 2, 2007

Ever been the one to just feel entitled to the right to tell any and everybody off, dare I say put them in their place? Once upon a time that was the story of my life. God proved some thing to me today, yet again. I was at work and I followed the proper steps in getting in touch with another employee since the telephones where down. When she eventually reached me she was extremely rude and I wanted to put her in her place instantly but something stopped me. It was right there at the tip of my tongue but it didn't come out.

So she came looking for me a Little while later introducing herself as the one that I had paged and then she was still confrontational, explaining the routine and that I should never had overhead paged her. hmmmm I explained to her that I had been trying to reach her for at least 2 hours, I had to do what I had to do for my clients. Then she realized she was wrong and apologised about it and I let it go. She came looking for me again begging me to forgive her and I told her I already let it go. Something was reinforced for me this day, that I should not feel like I have to defend myself all the time, I learned to just shake things off, and I also learned from that woman that when you do know you have wronged someone, you are a bigger person when you ask for forgiveness and ask for it profusely no matter who it is.

Encouraging words:
The entirety of Ps. 37 when you need some uplifting

Ps.37-1 Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong 3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture 8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. 23 If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; 24 though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.