My emotions are raw and all over the place I am aware that they are just that and the emotions will change For now i am really upset We have not been talking, about the deep stuff like we should, Frankly I'm tired of being the one bringing such things up The only time that I get to hear what bothers him is when I bring up something that bothers me For now hubby said hes just going to live his life (words are powerful, very powerful) and I replied- I will just live mine then and we see where it goes well on that note the couch is my bed tonight. I really don't care about the consequences right about now!
UPDATE: Hubby and I resolved the issue, found out that I misunderstood his statement. I know that was really silly to sleep on the couch, I did it just that once. I realized that I was reflecting the frustrations I had with my mother on my hubby. I found myself reliving the bad experiences I had growing up with my mother who is visiting with us at this time. I thought I had forgiven her, but there were triggers that I just could not shake off. Anyways I will continue to work through those issues. I thought about deleting the post but at the same time I decided not to. I don't want to create a false impression because no one is perfect, no marriage is perfect, you have to control your anger or your anger will control you. It is indeed a learning process :)
Waiting to get married before having sex has been PRICELESS! I heard about this before getting married, but didn't understand till I got to experience it for myself. Sex outside of marriage is really not what its cut out to be, I promise. Gods words and principles are just more real to me, like my own a ha moment.
The immense peace from the covering over our marriage just by the sacrifices we made before we made our lifetime commitment is so comforting, the major things we did included fasting and praying for about 2 weeks, surrendering every aspect of our future into Gods hands. We were in a LDR, we went from seeing each other every month to not seeing each other for about 5-6mths, even though we talked multiple times on the phone daily, it was hard but really worth it. We made sure premarital sex was not an option since we struggled with it in the past.
I learned that, though things may seem hard at the moment, as long as its for and about God, He rewards way beyond things that I can even see. If you are celibate, stand your ground, I'm proud of you, If you are not, please make a change. Premarital sex is truly scum compared to divine love making in marriage :) I just really wish people really understood that.
Its been a great 10 months since I said I do. Things I learned:
God is really good and He blessed me with a truly wonderful guy The marriage class we attended in church is the best $60 we have ever spent. Patience Selflessness: listening to the unspoken words of hubby, there are times he just really needs space or may be having a bad day. Watching my words and my thoughts. Keeping it positive! positive! positive! The security of unconditional love, and yes, there are very few times I may not really like hubby and vice versa :) The security I have that my relationship with hubby was built and renewed in Christ before and after our marriage, therefore our marriage is built on a solid rock/foundation.
The ones that surprised me: How jealous and protective I can be over my hubby, lol had to pray about that one The 1st couple of months after getting married, I was overwhelmed with the frequent love making, going from none to everyday just threw me off a little bit lol Thanks for stopping by. Be blessed
It was an interesting night, I was plain exhausted, some of the anxiety was still there of course, but not as bad lol. We had fun at the party , it was all so surreal. Then the party was over.... I was trying to help in cleaning the venue, my mentor was there and of course, she kept saying its time to go, "get out of here", "go get ready for your husband", the whole nine "go take a nice shower" "wear something nice" blah blah lol. I was so shy. Anyways we had company at the house, my dearest hubby previously agreed no show until the honeymoon. Well, lets just say he didnt keep his word lol. I was shy in the morning and felt so self conscious like Ive been found out by our guests. anyways life has been blissful ever since, had a great time at our honey moon getaway.
Thank you favoured girl for showing me love. Married life has been soooooo good to me. Life has been intense, combining work,marriage, graduate school. I wanted to blog sooner, however hubby and I share the same computer now and I really didn't want him to know my blog lol; not that I have something to hide, just that its like him reading my diary Ill tell you what, I couldn't ask for anything more in a life partner... I will update soon about the wedding night and the few months that have followed.
My blog is about random things I'm learning about life and marriage. It may take the form of a journal sometimes just mere reflections, thanks for coming by please stay a while. I can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please leave me a comment when you do, so I can respond in a timely manner, thanks.