Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Doubt

The memories are still raw and just about a week old. I guess I should still expect these emotions every now and again. God has been good too me in so many ways that I lost count. However I was devastated about a week ago when I took my professional exam and failed for the 2nd time. I have to struggle with feeling like a failure, I 've been told that some people have to take it up to 5 times before they pass. However, that has not been comforting to me, because then I think, why can't I be one of those that pass it at the 1st try.
I sometimes wonder if this is a sign, is this career path God's will for my life? or did I just simply fail the exam and should plan to retake it. I studied, shut myself off from the world for weeks, I prayed and I was actually confident that I would pass it this time, but I didn't!
Some where deep inside, when I pray now, I wonder if God still answers prayers, I wonder what I did wrong to deserve this,I know this sounds ridiculous because its just a professional exam. I still know the truth, though its hard to grasp these days. I know He has a plan for my life even though I may not recognize it now, hubby says perhaps it will be revealed to me at a later time.
In the meantime I will take it one step at a time. Like hubby says, I should be thankful that at least I'm in a good place in my life now, I may not be moving forward career-wise but at least I'm not moving backwards.
I love my hubby, he's the best. He has been so supportive, he actually left work to come home to comfort me when I was having a melt-down on the day of, after I failed the exam. He is one way for sure, that God has been good to me.
I hope everyone is doing good *hugs*

8 comments:

koinonia said...

I don't think it's ridiculous for you to be upset about failing a pro exam dear. No one ever wants to fail even in the game of scrabble.

Your husband is a great guy and he has said it all.

I would also like to add that you should consider adjusting your study style a little ie join study groups in ur area, attend classes/tutorials etc. Though most pro exams are self study these may help.

Get ready to share your testimony cos i know you'll spank the next one ;)

DarLyn said...

I know what that feels like, first time I failed my professional exam, I thought it had to be a joke, well I have failed a couple of times more and believe me it does not get easier (getting used to failing the exam that is).

My encouragement for you not to give up on it, restrategize- that could help.

My exam result comes in next week so my fingers are crossed.

Remember you are not a failure because you did not pass the exam yet. (Kinda sounds clique but it's true)

Cheer up, no matter what happens, you'll come out on top if you don't give up

jhazmyn said...

Ahh...I sure know the feeling of believing "this is it" but alas, it ended up not being it, but u hold and dont ever give it..."though it tarries, it shall surely come to pass".

Like darlyn said, try re-strategizing and go ahead like a bull unwilling to give up without a fight...(((hugs)))

NewLife said...

@ Koinonia
thank you, I've been contemplating my next strategy, the fear still lurks underneath about the "what if" but I know I'm an overcomer.
@ Darlyn
thank you, I needed that reminder that I am not a failure because I didnt pass that exam. I'm working on that strategy. I pray your results exceed your expectations.:)
@jhazmyn
thank you for your encouraging words. I am holding on

Maxine said...

Thank God for blessings like husbands who are supportive! Be strong and take courage :) I wonder how many times Sarah failed to conceive and she felt like a failure in that department. I am learning to believe that no matter what, His plans for my life will come to pass as long as I remain in His will :) My friend took Nursing boards about 3 times but today, she is an amazing Nurse! Have a great rest of the week!

Favoured Girl said...

Hope you feel better now dear. Failing at something really hurts, so I understand your pain and frustration. But nothing, not even failure - can separate you from God's love. As long as you are in His will, be assured that all things will work out for your good. You are not a failure and you will definitely have reasons to smile soon!

I read this article today - there's truth in it. http://www.femmelounge.org/?p=2013

NewLife said...

@ Maxine, talking about Sarah was a major food for thought. Thanks for your encouraging words, God bless
@ Favored girl, thank you, I do feel a lot better now, and that article was so on point, thanks so much, God bless

koinonia said...

Hellooooooo, anybody home?